Happy to Unlearn

I recently finished my second course in the Masters in Professional Education – Leadership in Indigenous Education program.  

Being a student again has been an important experience.  As a student, I have the opportunity to listen to other perspectives, experiences and ideas as well as share my own.  I have space to think about the challenges that I am undertaking in my work.  Most of all, I’ve become acutely aware and appreciative of how much I am

un

learning (aka - decolonizing) and how in the process of unlearning, I am establishing a knowledge base that is honest and trustworthy and is accountable to my spirit and my creative self, the writer that I am.  It helps me to reflect critically on the information I am being presented and makes me very aware of the way it is being presented. 

Over the past few weeks, I realized that for me – it's all real: that sense of wonder and gratitude I carry that comes from being Ogwehoweh and having responsibilities to the lands and waters.  We are not a 'backwards' or primitive people and our knowledges are not inferior to others.  We have a truth and a Treaty to uphold, and I am happy that it is here to guide us. 

I also realized that I have been unlearning things for a very long time and that my work at the Chiefs of Ontario was a big part of that process.   Organizations are always under a lot of scrutiny by politicians, academics, and community members. This scrutiny can be a really good thing, because it asks an organization to critically reflect on its role in the decolonization process and undertake to decolonize itself.   During my time there, it meant that we learned more about the living spirit and intent of the Treaties and about the importance of explaining to the international community the ways in which Canada is failing to uphold the Treaty promise in our reports to the Committee on the Elimination of Racial Discrimination.  I am very grateful for the work I was involved in there, for the people I met who helped me to reawaken and grow.   I am also aware that a lot of what I learned about issues, some of which are very current - like the events leading up to the proposed First Nations Education Act are not known by my friends, colleagues and fellow educators.  I am also really aware that it would be difficult to find well-sourced media coverage of the matter.  I really have no idea how helpful it would be to share what I know, but I decided that I would like to share some of what I know happened in interesting ways.   Because I am a community member and I love education.  I have nieces and nephews who are still in school or about to go into it and  I want school to be amazing for them. We are doing good things but I believe we can create an even more amazing educational experience for our kids. I think that this happens when we share information in kind and compassionate and truthful ways, when we implement best practices, when we are pro-active about making improvements and when a lot of good minded people are excited about working together. But being able to share information quickly is another way that I think will help.  I have planned a little project about how I want to do this using info graphs and puppets.  Should be fun :).  

I am also getting ready to move forward with work on the creative end of things – the stuff I have been personally most excited about for the last few years.  Editing and illustrating two stories: the word count for one is 52, 468 and the other is 29, 858.  Like many other writers I know, I’ve read Stephen King’s

On Writing

– a great book, and though this is nowhere near the amount he suggests as a first draft, it’s the story that I have and I’m happy to move forward with it right now.  I’m sure I’ll discover and learn a lot during the editing process.  There are also a few shorter stories I’d like to work on editing (Iess than 2,500) but I have to set some priorities and targets, so I figure I’ll move the bigger ones out of the way.  I had initially wanted to get through them by September but we’ll see how this goes.  I know this means that I have to make a more conscious effort to schedule the time to write – meaning to work on new material and also to edit. I don’t know how long all of this editing will take me, but I think I will simply need to schedule the time, a few hours every day to work through the material and at least start getting it ready for others to read. 

Should be a blast.  Anyways, I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer!  The Six Nations Pow Wow is this weekend and I am hoping to stop by there tomorrow.  Til next time,  

S

Art and Purpose...And How Neil Gaiman Keeps on Being Really Awesome

Having finished the first course of my program and having a short break before the next course begins, I decided to take some time to organize my creative writing efforts and to plan how to share the stories I have been working on.  I’m editing, formatting and looking at how to seek help to improve the quality of my stories. I want it to be a good reading experience and I realize that I may not be able to see it as clearly as a beta reader or another pair of experienced editing eyes.   I’m also learning that I am a little shy though I realize that being shy doesn't mean you can't share.

I have been writing stories of varying length for many years now and like many writers I follow on Twitter, I find that writing is wonderful, fulfilling and occasionally overwhelming - a storytelling hunger that is best sated and calmed by doing more of it.  And reading. Creativity feasts on books and ideas.    I love this about the process.  The call to create is powerful and profound but when you have the opportunity to share in someone’s art by reading it or appreciating it, it reinvigorates the whole cycle all over again. Write, read, and then write some more.  And every now and again, think of how you want to share your stories with others.

I have just finished reading Neil Gaiman’s newest book, The Ocean at the End of the Lane. For those of you who are looking for a summer read that will both move and inspire you, I highly recommend it.  Neil Gaiman tells a good story.  He stirs the soul.  You can tell that he wants to communicate, that he is exceptional at it, and that if there is any fear in him about sharing too much - he just finds a way to do it anyways in a voice that is wholly his and it makes his writing more magical.  I can’t say that I understood everything that happens in this book, but it spoke to me, as stories sometimes do, as his often do, and I know that I will be returning to read it again.  I think it is my favourite.

The ethereal and beautiful promotional poster for Neil's book

I heard that a lot of people cried when they read this book.  I could understand that completely.  I certainly did.  I cried because while it was a tale to enthral, it also made me realize that I had to make a change and that my purpose is calling me, sweetly and kindly.  And that just like the Hempstock’s farm, I have been weaving my way towards it all this time.  It is a purpose that is mine and yet it’s also a shared thing, since the fulfillment of it rests in the interactions I am able to establish with other people.

I realize that there is this creative force or spirit inside of me that notices all of these wondrous things about the universe.  I think my spirit understands and accepts the truth of things much easier than I consciously do, but I don’t mind.  I like doing the work to listen and interpret – I like trying to make the connections and share what I think I have found with others.  Is this what writers do?  Do they listen to the stories no one else can hear or experience and find ways to communicate them?  This is a part of it, and there is much more, I am sure.

I think about one of the characters in my story and realize what an important character she has become to me.  A person who has had to find her way, who used her gifts poorly at first but learned over time to hone them and use them better.  She is like so many people - her energy manifesting itself in these powerful bursts that can almost destroy things and it hurts her at first because she doesn’t realize that it does and can get better if she is patient, peaceful and willing to learn.  All these big things that she is feeling can be used for good.   She can change.  She can help.

In the end, these are the things I hope for most as well.  To grow and to help.  I think this is what purposes can sometimes do.  They can help you see how you can be helpful.  And they can help you realize that you are special, that only you can do or write or educate or create art in that special way that you can do.  And that is quite simply, awesome.  And it you don't believe me - listen to Neil.  He'll tell you how awesome you are.  And if you don't believe Neil - see what his wife Amanda Palmer had to say about how awesome Neil is in her blog.  Just kidding!  But do check these links out - they're really beautiful communications.  But most of all - be you, make good art, and remember how very cool and special you are!

Neil Gaiman's, "Make Good Art" speech

Amanda Palmer's Book and Marriage Review

Happy reading and happier creating,

S

Learning, Libraries and London

At this moment, I am filled with a particularly happy and grateful energy and a lot of this has to do with the fact that I am in school.

Today was my first day in the Masters of Professional Education – Leadership in Indigenous Education program at Western University (I should probably note that the formal program name is aboriginal education, but as I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I frequently replace that with indigenous), and even though it’s only the first day, I feel exhilarated by the possibilities that are created when passionate people come together because they care about community, education, learning and teaching.  

Learning is definitely one of the ways that I nourish my spirit and I realize that when I’m in the midst of things, it’s easy to overlook how important carving out the time to think critically and feel deeply about what and how I am structuring the work or the writing that I’m doing.

I’ve been working rather intensively in the areas of education and language for the past year and I can definitely see how my work and my own personal thinking will be positively impacted by the interaction of ideas and conversations I'll get to be apart of in this program.

Ahh. I’ve needed this time and I’m enormously thankful for it now.  

Indigenous Services Center 

I just finished a set of readings and so this is a rather short post but I just had to make a quick one because I was excited and I wanted to share some of that excitement on the blog as a way of recording this part of my learning adventure.

One of my first assignments is to write an autobiography in a colonial context and consider what forces and events have shaped my experience of school over the course of my life.

It should be quite fun to write.

I've included some of the highlights of the day in a few of the pictures above.  The education library was amazing (they have their own Twitter account!), the Indigenous Services Centre was very cool and I absolutely loved that there was a Twitter challenge to faculty members to share their research in 140 characters or less.  I think it would be great to do something similar in my community in the future around education, learning and language.  So many ideas - I look forward to sharing more in the weeks and months to come! 

Nya:weh,

S

Honest and Kind

Today is the blog’s one year birthday! Summer Solstice. Solidarity Day. It is also my sister’s anniversary, the last day of school for my wonderful and amazing niece and the start of what is being called Sovereignty Summer. This makes it feel like a day that has many layers and many different ways of being experienced.

I think this is true of many things and over the last year I've noticed that building understanding and being open about these layers often deepens and enriches the experience. So now that a full year has passed, and though none the wiser, I find that I am more in awe of our teachings and the Treaties than ever. I am also more committed to peace and healing than any time prior to now and every day I feel filled with gratitude to be of this universe, moving within it, a part of it. A few weeks ago, I started to write a blog that for various reasons, I didn’t post. But I want to now, because though for the past year I have seen such wonderful things in my community, I also know that there are some painful things that happen here. And I would like to be open about how they make me feel.

Connecting with people is a scary business. This is how I’m feeling today. Tomorrow, I might remember only the good things about connecting and collaborating with others. But right now, in this moment, the only feeling I have is fear and a kind of sadness that comes when you feel like perhaps you’ve lost your way. What is our way? What is my way? What will bring me back from this moment? Talking about my feelings maybe. Knowing that I’m healthy and doing or living in a way that makes sure I am at least trying to find peace in myself. Being honest. Being true to my spirit. Honouring the Treaties.

A lot of people are in various kinds of pain.The kind of pain I am feeling right now comes from deep in my heart and it manifests itself in different ways, in my back, in my stomach. It’s a kind of pain that is released through tears and dancing, through writing and through watching others create beautiful things. Healing. Healing is hard work. I’ve heard myself say this to other people and I know that I’ve meant it when I said it, but I honestly think I forget how hard it actually is. Especially because I sometimes like to pretend that I am strong and invincible.

But right now, I need to not pretend that I’m all right or that everything is fine - when I’m actually not and it isn’t. As much as I love it here, I’m conflicted by some of the things that happen in this community. I’m conflicted by the fact that I want there to be so much good and there are some bad things that are happening.

I’m conflicted by the fact that I know there are people hurting deeply and  who are often unable to talk freely about what is hurting them or don't feel that they can be their true selves without being shunned. I am conflicted by the cigarette industry. I’m conflicted by the thought of bringing a casino or more gaming here. I’m conflicted by the fact that together we throw out more than we recycle, and we waste more that we repurpose. I’m conflicted because I can read all of these things, both academic and political, that say it is true - we are sovereign.

And we are. And yet, there are things that are not well in our community. All year, as occasionally expressed on this blog I have been heartened by those spirits who have awoken to their purpose and shared their gifts in our community. It makes me more hopeful than ever that we will try to resolve these things for the future. That we won’t let hummers and cigarettes seem more important than clean water, food security, being compassionate for our kids and encouraging our teachers. That we won’t judge each other and that we will be open to hearing other peoples’ points of view. I’ve heard some amazing points of view in my time, short though it’s been. I get that there’s a pot and the kettle. I get that taking a stance sometimes means that it seems like you think you are different, better, and who are you to bring these things up anyways?

But here’s the thing. I know with every fibre of my being that I’m not any better than any other human being on this planet. I’m sometimes the pot and often the kettle. I’ll be them both if it means we can talk about what safety and good ought to mean in our community. It doesn’t terrify me that bad things are happening in our community (okay – it does), but it terrifies me more that we don’t talk about them. And I don't know about anyone else, but when I am tired, overwhelmed and isolated - these are the times when it seems I like to punish myself the most. These are the times when the only answer seems to be to run, run, run away.

But as I’ve been learning about Treaties, some of the things that I’ve heard have been to not judge, to be open and to be patient. Learning things, really learning them takes time. It takes staying. And in time, staying becomes easier and more fulfilling. I’m ready and willing to talk with anyone and I will do my utmost to take care and to try not to hurt.

That was the writing I was doing in the middle of May.  I was grateful to be reminded that you can be positive and still get tired.  And I remembered that when you get tired, there is still so much strength in friends, in family, in people, in communities, in our ways.  It can seem like change is difficult to achieve, but transformation - transformation is possible.  We see it every year with the seasons and kids - kids are amazing at it.  

My favourite picture of the year, bar none :)  

I was writing those thoughts in May and then a little bit of dialogue between characters from my graphic novel came to me and I decided to leave it in here even though it's out of context, but in the moment I had felt the characters were trying to teach me something, about maintaining peace in times of trouble.  

She turned to look at him and he saw what was written on her face.

Walls, everywhere.

These are what I build, she told him.

I am building them high and you won’t be able to get at me.

I am building them so high that you will never be able to find me.

He moved through them and took her in his arms.

“I’m here now,” he whispered to her.

“You can leave them up if you want but I’m already inside and if you need me to, if you want me to - I’ll help you take them down.”

She held on, loved him and tried with all her might to stop being afraid that he didn’t love her back.

So there are a few of my thoughts, none particularly conclusive.  Perhaps they don't need to be anything but honest and kind.  Perhaps it's enough that a commitment is renewed - to strive to share happiness, truth, goodness, creativity and art.  And to hope.  

Pouring your heart out to strangers. Baring your soul to friends. Love. Accept. Forgive. Heal. This is how peace is made. Happy June 21st.   

Gonohkwa,

S

Doors and Monsters

This morning I listened to a CBC program (The Current) about the recent sales spike of the George Orwell book, "1984", following the revelation of the National Security Agency's capacity to monitor individuals. It was a great program. At the same time, I was finishing reading the book, "The Icarus Deception", by Seth Godin that was talking about creating art and connecting with people without fear or shame.This talk about art and sharing and censorship and the concepts in the book like double speak and thought crime helped me start considering how these ideas are at play in my own little universe of thought and what I am putting out into the world.

What kind of connections am I trying to make? What is important to me? What messages and conversations am I hopeful to share and have? I’ve been realizing that it’s a good idea to revisit these questions every once and awhile. As I look back over the blog, I see more clearly, the things that I care about emerging in themes. Language, Treaties, Sustainability, Art, Community, Family. Education is an important one as well, but everyday, another line of thought occurs to me and my understanding of these things expands and deepens.

For many years, I’ve been my own censorship police and I think this growing understanding is a big part of the reason for why that’s happened. I mostly censored myself because I was afraid of saying something that might hurt other people’s feelings and because I was worried about saying something that might be misinterpreted or incorrect. I was also afraid that if what I said was taken wrongly or as anything other than an opinion or reflection that it would somehow reflect on the work that I was doing or the organizations I was doing it for. Just lately, I have been realizing that there is something silly about my censorship and yet, I don't regret for a minute that I've employed it up to this point.

It makes sense to me that I did - I just don't want to do it out of fear. A lot of what I have learned comes directly from being open to other people’s ideas and thoughts. It comes from their experiences, achievements, failures, dreams, goals, and wishes. And it comes on a variety of environments and platforms – their Twitter feeds, Facebook pages, blogs, conversations, books, articles, journals, legends, stories, jokes and expressions. People who faced their fears, found ways to share and enriched lives as a result.  Moving past the fear of sharing and sharing in a respectful yet super creative way is one of my goals for the rest of the year.  

Happily, the Treaty is also there as the support throughout all of this; peace, friendship and respect - these are the values that can balance and guide me as I continue the learning, writing and sharing process. I also realized that even if I don’t have all the answers and I learn a lot from other places, I don’t want to punish myself for not having them by not creating more opportunities to learn and hear other perspectives.

I want to enrich my life and experiences through sharing and I definitely don’t want to punish myself so much that I don’t share the things that I care most deeply or am most excited about. This seems to happen mostly with the things that I write about, the fiction and the art. Moving forward, I have to keep finding positive and interesting ways to share the things that I have learned or that I think about, and most especially – the things that I create. I think this will be a really exciting part of my ongoing journey.

In other and related news, I have just returned from a short road trip to Kahnawake, Montreal and Vermont. It was wonderful and refreshing. I enjoyed Vermont because I loved being able to travel across the islands in Lake Champlain (not the lake’s Ogwehoweh name), seeing the mountain range and learning about the lake monster. Montreal was filled with artists and their creations - jewelry, paintings, pictures, music and more. I enjoyed Kahnawake because it was another Ogwehoweh community that was working hard to do things, make things, and move forward. Very creative place and they have a great newspaper called The Eastern Door that has an upbeat tone that resonated with that part of me that wants to constantly point out and celebrate good and little things.

Language revitalization also had a really prominent place in their paper. Visiting that community was definitely an inspiration, made me see a few other really cool things that would be fun to do.

It’s been a whirlwind of a week. Here's to opening doors and facing monsters.  I'm excited to jump back into projects after this time away but speaking of whirlwinds, it’s been almost a year since I started this blog! It's been a strange experience writing it, but I'm definitely happy that I did.

I’ll be cooking up something special for the one-year anniversary, stay tuned! Nya:weh,

S